If only I could sleep

For quite a while I have had a problem with my brain not shutting down when I'm ready for bed or when I'm ready to relax. I guess thats why I started Addi Lyn Creations, but lately it has become extreme and it stinks. I think about Christmas, the boys, my marriage (don't worry we are just fine), friendships, work, family (mine and Jimmy's), and money. I go to bed late and I dread getting up, my mind wanders at work, and I find myself not giving my all to any one thing. Maybe I need therapy but let's face it that's not free and I don't have time. So what do I try to do, give it all to god. It is very hard for me to do this but I'm slowly learning that I don't/can't control everything. So now I give it to god. He's got this. Lol

Ok well time to try to fall asleep.

The hair on my head

So I got my wig on October 28th, and I thought this was the greatest thing ever (besides my own hair of course). I love the length and I love the color but it did take me a few days to get used to it. The first couple of days I would take it off in the car because all I needed to do was scratch my head. After about a week I got a system down and became more and more used to it. But I noticed after washing it the first few times that the color was fading, the original color was matched the my old hair, I knew this would happen but just didnt expect it this quickly but I didnt worry. As it has gotten lighter I have noticed more and more the black hair they put into it, I didnt have any black or dark color in my original hair. Not very happy about this, noted it and moved on though. In the past few weeks I have noticed though that the texture of "my" hair is straw like just a few days after washing it. I started using more conditioner and more spray leave in conditioner like I was told to do and they really didnt help. I have also noticed a lot of breakage, and I don't brush/comb my hair but twice a day. I finally had decided that I needed to call the Wig Shop and let them know what was going on, they were a bit puzzled but want me to come in next weekend to look at it. They say it is still under the Mfr warranty. I just hope they don't have to send this one back while they make a new one, I don't want to be hairless for Christmas. Oh well back to the grind.

I'm speaking my mind on my blog

Everyone knows that I tell people whats on the my mind and I'm not afraid to put people in their place. A flaw maybe, but that is me. After some not so nice comments to my earlier post I feel like I can't speak my mind on my own blog which I find very discouraging. I'm sorry if you don't like the way I feel but they are my feelings and thoughts so please just butt out or better yet talk to me about it. That is all, thank you and have a great evening.

I come here every day but don't know what to write

I guess the title says it all. I come to my blog every day to check on the people I follow, but I don't write anything myself. I have plenty to write about but I just can't decide if it is worthy I guess.

I'm having a bit of a hard time with internal struggles right now. I feel alone I guess. I have my best friend/Hubby to slip my heart out to but sometimes that just isnt the same as having a good connection with a girl friend. I guess I have done something to drive all of them away; yes I'm very set in my ways, yes I have opinion and yes I voice them, yes I know alot about alot, yes I'm extremely OCD but that is me. This is the way I have been for as long as I can remember, I don't see it as a flaw but just a character trait. I tell it like it is, take it or leave it. I just feel like I don't truly have anyone to talk to without there being "High School Drama", I'm sorry but I'm 28 years old and I have grown up, you can too.

This goes for family also, but the family I'm referring to is the family I married into. I love my MIL and FIL but can't really stand my BIL's or SIL's, sorry but we just don't get along and never have and I tried for 6+ years to make it work. Oh well, I guess you can't please everyone all of the time.

I'm also struggling with motivation, I love my sewing business but getting and stay motivated to work on my orders is hard for me lately. I did manage to get all of them cut and staged for sewing this week, so that is good. I have 6 nights to get them all done and shipped or delivered. LOL No pressure.

I don't have some amazingly positive stuff going on at home right now though. I have been painting and creating christmas stuff with my family. I love this time of year, some thing I'm over the top but I love love love this season. Yes I have 3 trees, yes each are decorated differently, yes I have made big gaudy bows to top my tree with, and yes I have created other things to go with my decor. What can I say I am my grandmothers granddaughter, each of them was very crafty and still are. I'm so thankful for this gift I have been given. Sometimes I do lose sleep because I do have to many ideas floating around in my head though.

Now time to bragg on my boys.Trenton is now 3 six weeks into Kindergarten and doing really really well. He is reading at a B level (had to get up to D to pass Kinder) and he is also doing really well with math and spelling. He loves to help around the house as always and he is doing much better with this attitude and listening. But he is a 5 year old boy, LOL. He also made a trip to the dentist the day before Thanksgiving and passed his exam with flying colors, no cavities and nothing but great things to say. His Dentist thinks his front 4 baby teeth will be out before his next appt as his adult teeth are showing really good growth.

Jackson, the biggest thing that Jack is doing right now is working on potty training. He just all of a sudden wanted to start pottying on the little potty at home on Wednesday and we totally encouraged this. He did well in Pull Ups, and has also gone 3 days of pooping in the potty and not in his diaper/pull up. Now I just have to be more consistant about only using pull ups/underwear during the day and only diapers at night time. I also have to stop giving him water to have in bed with him. LOL. I also did this with Trenton, old habits die hard I guess. Jack has also made major improvements in his talking, he has been a good talker but he is just this talking wizards lately. He is also our social butterfly at the moment, I love this kid. He cracks me up contantly.

I will try to be more consistant with my write as this really does help me get my issues out. LOL

The First Day of Kindergarten

Today Trenton starts Kindergarten. I made his lunch last night and made sure it would all fit in his new lunch box. We decided on this clothes last night also so all I had to do was iron them and he would be all set. Trenton wake up and was still on a "high" from his birthday yesterday I believe. LOL. We decided what he wanted for breakfast and then quickly wanted to get dressed and wanted me to spike his hair.

We had to go drop Jackson off at his school first, then we headed to Trenton's school. He was so excited, he talked the whole way there. He got out of the truck and we took a few pictures quickly and then we started our walk in. He was starting to get nervous butterflies, so we talked the whole way in. He got to his classroom and a few kids were already there. We hung his back pack up, found his name on his table and clipped his name tag to him. He started to get upset but was ok, we decided it was time for Mommy and Daddy to go so we gave him big hugs. He wanted to walk us to the door, anything to make my sweet boy happy. He said Bye Mommy with tear in his eyes but we ok. I immediately walked out the door and teared up. I love that boy more than he will ever know.

I tried to add a pic but it was sideways so I will add new pictures soon.

Not sure how to feel

So lately I have been down in the dumps, nearly emotionless. I miss my hair, I'm pissed that people dont understand, I hate that it takes a toll on my family, and I hate that it is taking a toll on other parts of me. I'm normally happy, creative, and driven. Well lately I have been pissy, lazy, and idealess. I'm going to a wig shop in Dallas this coming Saturday to see what we need to do to get me a wig. The biggest factor is going to be the cost, I can't exactly shell out $1000 for one, that just isnt possible. I want a real hair wig so I can style it and do many different things. I dream about long pig tail braids. LOL

I dont know if I just need some more mommy time or what but I feel like I yell and am unhappy constantly. Everyone will tell me well go talk to someone about it. Well that costs money and yeah that isnt going to happen right now. LOL. So I'm just stuck in this rut and I hate it.

I guess most of my saddness is due to my mommy guilt. I want to be able to take Trenton to school and to pick him up everyday. I hate that I'm missing out on that special time with him. I dont have a choice right now though.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer today but that is my mood.

Alopecia and a Change

So most everyone knows that I have had Alopecia since I was 7. It started it out with small spots and then went into "remission" until I was in my late teens and early 20's. When it came back I was able to get steriod shots in my head to simulate the hair to grow, I went through these treatments for about a year off and on. Then when I got pregnant with Jackson it started falling out again, and it didnt stop after I had him. I found a dermatologist but had already decided before my appt that I didnt want anymore shots or extensive treatment that would make me sick later in life. So on August 29 of 2010 I put my hair up in a high pony tail and cut it off. Then my sweet hubby shaved my head, he was worried I would back out and hate it. He quickly realized why I wanted to shave it. I had so many bald spots it was amazing. I kept it saved twice week until October and after that I didnt need to shave again, that is how quickly it happened. By Christmas I was with out eye brows for the most part and almost all of my eye lashed had fallen out also. Arm, leg, and even nose hair were gone before this time also, hey I now save a ton in Razors, hair cuts, hair products and time. LOL I wore hats and scarves when it was cold but prefer to go completely bald most of the time.

I do get comments and questions. Mostly from kids that dont know any better. I have gotten one comment that made me mad but now I just get a good laugh from it. A lady stopped me in the parking lot of my Kroger and asked me if I was Buddhist. LOL She said I'm not trying to be rude, I replied well you are and just kept walking. I get the cancer comment and questions also, but I quickly tell them I actually don't have cancer but ALOPECIA. Most have no clue what it is.

Here is a lesson for those who don't know what it is. Alopecia is an Auto Immune Disorder that only effects your hair follices. I'm not sick in anyway, I'm actually very healthy. I tell children when they ask that my head just didnt like my hair anymore and it fell out. There are 3 different type of Alopecia; Alopecia Areata (just round hairless spots), Alopecia Totalis (just the head), or Alopecia Universalis (total body). You can be born with Alopecia or you can get it at any point on your life time. It isnt contagious or hereditary, and it doesnt just effect one hair color or type. Also there is no cure but only treatments that can help with hair growth. For me most treatments are tested enough and for long enough to make me what to try them. So I hold my head high and remain hairless.

This does greatly affect my kids though, Trenton gets question from classmates and friends. He is well educated on what Alopecia is and will tell anyone and everyone that his Mommy is ok but just cant grow hair.

I have decided after some research and looking that I'm going to start the process of looking into getting a real hair wig from a local wig shop. I'm sure it is going to be a time consuming and expensive task but hey you can't take money with you when you die, right. LOL I'm even going to look into possibly getting my eyebrows tattood on.

Wish my Luck